第2158章 专业再现(2 / 2)

美漫丧钟 混沌文工团 1115 字 2022-10-01

他的食指隔着面罩塞进了嘴里,小眼睛里透出了羡慕的神色:“表哥,我如果将来死了,也想要这样。”

“你?没戏,自己能不能死掉心里都没点B数吗?”苏明把他拎了进来,长长地叹了口气:“不过下次去日本我可以带你去,让你坐坐神轿,其实和黑人抬棺差别不大的。”

“你真好,表哥,我都感动得出水了。”死侍隔着面罩擦了擦眼角:“接下来我们该干什么去?我觉得自己好像是忘了点事情,直播间的观众们还不告诉我,良心大大滴坏了。”

冷清的停尸房里热闹了起来,黑人们扛着棺材在做俯卧撑,随后又是倒立什么的,可棺材就仿佛黏在他们身上一样,根本就不会脱落。

这大概也算是坟头蹦迪的一种了吧?

“还没去日本呢,不要学日本人说话。接下来我们还是回到主战场上去偷窥,你和弗瑞的合同还在执行中呢,如果神盾局特工死了人,那弗朗西斯的线索就得再等了。”

苏明敲了他的脑袋一下,却没有看他,只是看着杰西卡脸上别扭的神情。

“好像想起来一点了...唉,以前还有个书面合同,想不起来了能拿出来看看。”死侍把手伸进制服里挠了挠,从胸口撕了一块皮下来:“这个黑卤蛋没有签合同,光是口头协议谁记得住啊?真是坑人精。”

“他可是特工之王,你指望他会给你留下书面证据?”苏明摸出一根烟来点上,轻轻吸了一口:“弗朗西斯属于美加两国军方合作机构下的人,那是政府人员,弗瑞暗地里可以卖了他来做交易,却不会给你反咬机会的。”

有些感慨的韦德扭动着屁股,像是想起了什么:“那表哥,你就不能帮我找人吗?”

“弗朗西斯他太弱了,我从来都没有关注过他,你该不会以为我的副官会监控地球上每一只蚂蚁吧?不会吧?”丧钟递给表弟一瓶大力饮料,刚才他流了不少血,应该补补水:“所以这种从蚂蚁洞里挑一只蚂蚁出来的活,只有弗瑞最合适。”

“黑暗,太黑暗了,居然把人比喻成蚂蚁。”韦德扭头看向无人的地方,又开始喝着饮料和空气对话:“那我这个被蚂蚁折磨过的人算是什么,蚜虫吗?有人问为什么是蚜虫?因为蚂蚁会饲养蚜虫在洞穴中当作奶牛,吸食甜水,而我体内也有很多白白的,黏黏的‘甜水’,懂了吧?”

说完,他开始挤眉弄眼,猥琐地笑了起来。

随后他就迎来了表哥的当头一拳:“还有小姑娘在这里,不要开有颜色的玩笑。”

“冤枉啊,我说的是鼻涕,不信你看。”韦德抱着脑袋揉了揉,撩起面罩后用力擤了一下鼻子,一团白色的粘稠物喷到了掌心中,他摊开手展示给表哥看:“你想到哪里去了?太不利于青少年成长啦!”

苏明翻了个白眼,不远处的音乐还在继续,而杰西卡没有注意到门口的动静:“你就扯吧,谁还不知道鼻涕是咸的?行了,时间差不多该出殡了,你觉得阿拉巴马州的蒙哥马利怎么样?我准备把杰西卡家人都埋到那边山里去。”

死侍拉下了面罩,扣了扣鼻孔,这个顺序有点不对,但对他来说不成问题,鼻孔够大就是这么自信:

“我建议埋到月球,这样每次她想要看望家人都得要经过你帮忙,你就能以此作为要挟,把她玩弄在股掌之间......怎么样?我学你学得像不像?是不是很黑暗?嘻嘻。”

“噗!”

韦德的肚皮又透光了,他在金色的电流中吐出了一口黑烟,哆嗦着缓缓倒地。

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